


Closed Door

by orphan_account



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Acxa Isn't There, Artist Keith (Voltron), Coming Out, Enemies to Friends, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, Galaxy Garrison, Gay Keith (Voltron), Gay Shiro (Voltron), Gen, Homesick Hunk (Voltron), Homesick Lance (Voltron), Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, One sided Allurance, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Post-season 7, Slow Burn, The Altean At The End Of Season 7 Isn't There, adashi, klance, past lotura
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-11-01
Packaged: 2019-07-20 18:37:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16143122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: 'Things are really confusing right now. Really confusing. Dealing with readjusting to life changed by the Galra is one thing but readjusting to a life I changed myself is another thing entirely.'-The war is over, Lance McClain can finally hang up his paladin armour and head on home to Cuba. He's dreamed of this moment for years now, so why is he so hesitant to leave his teammates? Has it got to do with the way Shiro mourns over a monochrome man in the newspaper, the way Krolia silently yearns for family or even Keith, who is becoming more closed in by the day. Perhaps it's all three that's calling out to him.If Lance truly wants to go home feeling guilt free then he has a lot of work to do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This fanfic is set after season seven but we're just going to pretend that Acxa isn't on earth and that the mystery Altean never existed. The title is a work in progress, it'll most likely change when I find something more suitable. I will list any triggering subjects before each chapter.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Allura is waiting at my door. I can’t help but to be a bit disappointed. Sure, she’s a wonderful teammate and friend but things have been different recently. Not a good different. Veronica gives me a cheeky look and I have to muster up the courage to give her one back. _It’ll be over soon_ , I tell myself. 

“Can I have a private word with Lance?” She asks my father. He looks at me quickly before nodding. My nephew is at her feet, staring up at her with awe filled eyes. 

“Hey, lady! Are you British?” He asks. Allura looks puzzled for a moment before she crouches down to his eye level. 

“British? I don’t think so, I come from a planet called Altea.” She doesn’t flinch when little Marty starts to pull and tug at her ears. Dad goes to tell him off but Allura just laughs and assures him that it’s fine. 

“You know, I found Lance’s ears to be interesting when we first met.” She gave Marty’s ear a gentle tug. He laughs and turns to me. 

“I like her. Are you gonna get married?” He asks. I’m quick to wave my arms around in a distressed manner but Allura just laughs and stands up to her full height again. 

Mom ushers everyone out, leaving Allura and I completely alone. She pulls over a chair and sits by my bed. 

“I think I need to tell you something.” She says quietly. There’s a slight pinkness to her cheeks and her hands are linked on her lap, thumbs twiddling anxiously. I feel bad all of a sudden. I know what’s coming and I don’t want to hurt her by telling her how I feel. It’s almost like our roles have been reversed. When we first met, I always saw myself as the one who would pine and then be rejected. It’s funny how the tables have turned. 

“Listen, Princess, I-“ Allura raises a dainty hand. Her nails are painted a pale pink- a cadet must have supplied her with nail polish. 

“No, Lance. I want to get this out.” She takes a deep breath and squeezes her eyes shut, “I like you. I understand that things have been tricky in the past and I overlooked you. But recently… after everything that happened with Lotor I was finally able to see your greatness and how much you care for me. I’m sorry that I was so blind but I can finally see you as the wonderful, kind, handsome man that you are.” No one has ever called me any of those things before. A year ago I would be on my knees, calling out to God and thanking Him for answering my prayers and pleas. But now… now there’s no butterflies in my stomach. All I feel is sorrow and guilt for not being able to be the man Allura wants. 

“I know that it’ll be hard considering our different cultures and traditions, but I’ve spoken to some other humans and they’ve told me about the earth customs. So, Lance, will you be my man-friend?” Allura opens her eyes and smiles at me- a huge beam emitting hope and joy. I don’t even have the energy in me to correct her kind of cute mistake. I don’t have the energy to play along and just try to make her happy. I can’t do this. I can’t be with her, no matter what my brain is telling me.

I take a deep breath and then exhale, “Allura, I think you’re really smart and brave and the years we spent in space together were some of the best of my life.” Her face is still hopeful, there’s still time for me to turn this around. _Make her happy, Lance, who cares for how you truly feel?_ I ignore the voice in my head and power on, “But I can’t be your boyfriend.” 

Allura frowns, her sunshine smile obstructed, “Why not?” 

I sigh and lie back in my bed. I stare up at the ceiling and try not to think about how much this will hurt her. I’ve been rejected by too many people to count, I know how it feels, “It’s just… everything. Lotor. The fight with Sendak. I think something changed during that time and now I just see you as a best friend instead of a potential girlfriend.” There’s a heavy silence and I know I’ve messed up. 

“I still think you’re really great! It’s just that so much-“

“It’s alright, Lance. I understand.” I sit up and look at her. She’s smiling but there’s tears in her eyes. My stomach sinks. I’ve upset the princess all because I couldn’t keep some stupid urge tamed. She stands and I reach out to grab her hand. 

“Allura, I’m sorry!” I cry out. Allura stops but she keeps her back to me. Her shoulders slump and she shrugs away my hand. 

“My mother used to tell me stories of princesses that would find their princes after great hardship. I thought my prince was you. That this war was just a huge hardship that would surely grant me the best and kindest prince.” Her tone is uneven, as if she’s about to let her tears overwhelm her, “I guess fairy tails aren’t real, not even on earth.” I want to tell her that life is a fairy tail, a weird and strange one but a fairy tail no less, but she leaves my room. 

When my family comes back in, Marty is clinging to Veronica with a very confused look on his face. 

 

-

 

“Dude, what did you do?” 

I groan when I flop down into the couch in the communal area. Since we’ll be staying in the grounds of the Galaxy Garrison for a little bit longer, they’ve granted us a private space fitted with TVs and game consoles and board games. Every night now, I meet with Hunk, Pidge, Romelle, Allura and Coran to have a gossip and play a couple games of Uno. Sometimes Keith and Shiro join us for our Mario Kart competitions (Shiro’s the master of it but somehow he manages to remain incredibly humble) but tonight only Hunk and Pidge are waiting for me. 

“Made a decision I’m probably going to regret for the rest of my life.” I say before digging around for the pack of Uno cards, “Uno, anyone?” Pidge stops my rummaging and stares me dead in the eye. 

“Did you kill one of Allura’s mice?” She deadpans. Hunk gasps but she takes no notice, “She’s been crying all day and the only reason she’d cry like that would be if you killed Platt.” I roll my eyes. 

“No, I did not kill one of Allura’s mice.” I say monotonously. Hunk lets out a relieved sigh and Pidge sits back slightly. 

“Then what did you do?” She asks as she pushes her glasses up. I bring my knees up to my chest and rest my chin on them. 

“Allura asked me out and I said no.” I mumble. Hunk and Pidge are silent for a moment before Hunk clicks his tongue and whistles. 

“Really? But you’ve been pining over her since, like, forever.” He says, “I get that crushes can change and stuff but… it seemed like you were dead set on Allura.” I shrug. I think I stopped liking Allura when I realised that her praise was the only reason why I validated myself. That’s just not healthy. Unfortunately, it seems like that was the time Allura started to like me. 

“She didn’t seem to take it too well.” Pidge mumbles, “You’d think she’d have gotten used to all this heartbreak. First her entire race is slaughtered, then she’s thrusted into an intergalactic war, then she falls in love with a guy that turns out to have killed her remaining people, then she falls in love with a guy who she thought liked her but turned out to be playing with her emotions.” 

I sit up immediately, “I was not playing with her emotions! Haven’t you guys noticed how I’ve been toning it down recently? I’ve been like a nun!” Hunk and Pidge exchange a look I don’t understand but they don’t say anything. 

“Sure,” I continue, “Maybe I should have said something earlier, maybe not directly but maybe, like, a hint or something? I get that now but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings! And I’ve only went and killed her emotionally.” 

I look to Pidge and Hunk, who’re watching anxiously. 

“I guess breaking hearts and having your heart broken is painful for both sides.”

Things are silent for a moment but Pidge pulls out the chess set. She starts to set it up and says, “So when did the whole Allura thing change? It was all kind of sudden.” I think for a moment. I could tell her about the validation and I could tell them about my… urges, but it seems like we’ll be having this conversation again at a later time. I decide on playing it safe. 

“It’s just that Allura’s affection was literally my only source of validation. That’s not healthy.” I say with a casual shrug. Hunk pats my shoulder. 

“That’s really sad, dude.” He says sadly. I puff out a laugh. 

“Go comfort Allura, man. She needs it more than me.” Suddenly the doors whoosh open and in hobbles Shiro with Keith at his side as always. I bite back a distressed groan. Am I going to have to let them in on my mistake too? Keith will probably laugh at me but at least Shiro might understand where I’m coming from. 

“Why would Allura need comforting?” Shiro asks as he sits down at the other end of the chess board as Pidge. His brow is furrowed anxiously and I feel bad for making him worry, “She okay?”

“Yeah, Lance just rejected her.” Pidge says as she moves one of her pieces two spaces forward. I’m surprised Shiro and Keith don’t get whiplash from how fast they turn to look at me. 

“You rejected Allura?” Shiro asks.

“She asked you out?” Keith asks. I roll my eyes at him and cross my arms over my chest. 

“Yes, Allura asked me out and I don’t want to use the word ‘rejected’. Let’s say that I gently let her down in a way that was comfortable for both people.” I say. 

“But she’s crying.” 

“Not helping, Hunk!” I groan, “Look, it’s not a big deal. She asked me out, I said no, let’s move on.” The four of them exchange looks before Hunk pulls out the stack of Uno cards I’d previously been searching for. 

“Uno, anyone?” 

 

-

 

Uno ends in screaming and play fighting as it always does. As if they’d all forgotten what I’d told them, Keith, Hunk and I spend the remainder of our night rolling around on the couches of the communal area while Shiro and Pidge play chess like boring people. Although it sounds immature, fighting with Keith and Hunk can get very intense very quickly, even if it is only play fighting. Back when we were still on the Castle Of Lions, we’d spar on the training deck and have fights with more tension than the one’s we’d had against the Galra Empire. I’m not sure if I miss those days or not. 

Using my absentmindedness to his advantage, Hunk manages to catch my bare ankle and he drags me from my spot on the couch to his spot. I wrestle in his grip, laughing the whole time, and try to break free from him. My body is close against his chest, his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist. His laugh booms into my ears and I laugh back, even if all I can think about is the closeness. Keith jumps out from behind the couch and settles in front of me. He ruffles my hair, styling it into messy mohawks and spiking it up to one point. For the first time in who knows how long, his eyes are bright and wide. He’s smiling in a way that I can see his teeth. It’s sad that this happiness looks so foreign on him. 

He stops suddenly, staring at me with one eyebrow down and the other up. A playful look accompanied by a playful smile. Suddenly his hands in his hair feels hot, I can feel every place where his skin touches me. 

“Lance?” He asks quietly, “Do you want to take a break?” I don’t have time to reply before Hunk is releasing me from his grasp and he’s flattening my hair back down. 

“Sorry, dude. Was I holding you too tight?” He asks. As to not worry him, I shake my head and grin mischievously. Before they can process what’s happening, I hook my arms around Keith and Hunk’s shoulders and ruffle their hair. They both laugh and yell at me playfully. 

 

-

 

The next day when my family visit, Marty asks about ‘the pretty British/Altae-thingy lady’. I scoop him up and sit him on my lap. 

“Allura’s just my friend, ‘kay?” I tell him. He frowns and tugs at the sleeve of my pyjama t-shirt. 

“So you’re not getting married? Why not? She’s pretty!”

“If you think she’s pretty, you should marry her yourself.” I suggest. He gasps and gives me a big, toothed smile. He wriggles out of my lap and runs out the door, probably down the hall to search for Allura’s room. I lean over to the nightstand and pick up my phone. I send her a text. 

_Beware: little Marty is on his way to marry you._

It’s read immediately but I get no reply. I try not to frown and settle my phone back down. 

“Girl troubles?” Mom asks, sitting down on the side of my bed. She pushes back my hair and leans in to kiss my forehead, “Poor baby.” It’s sad because I can’t tell if she’s being sarcastic or not. She used to always call me her baby but things have changed. I’ve changed, my family have definitely changed too. It’s a gamble when I’m trying to find the right thing to say. Am I old enough for my parents and older siblings to accept a risky joke? Or do they still see me as my mom’s baby?

Although I know all eyes and ears are focused on us, I let myself crumble into Mom’s open arms. She holds me tight against her and I dig my head into her shoulder. This is the first time she’s held me like this in so long. I’d been so busy with personal worries and pleasing everyone else that I’d forgotten to give my own mother a hug like this. I can feel her heart ache along with mine. 

“I always liked her. From day one I always liked Allura and then suddenly everything changed and I messed up _so bad_ , Mom. I shouldn’t have said no.” I whisper to her, quiet enough for only her to hear. Mom’s never been the best with advice but it always felt good to pour my troubles out to her. 

She holds me for a moment longer before running her fingers through my hair and whispering back, “I don’t understand intergalactic romance but I do know one thing: Never be sorry for thinking the way you think, feeling the way you feel and being the person you were born to be.” Some sound advice, I wonder when she got so good, “Don’t be sorry for not liking this girl, you can’t force love.” I look up at her and she that her eyes are wide with desperation. She really doesn’t want me to force myself into this. 

“I don’t want to meddle in your love life, Lance, but promise me you’ll love truthfully.” She says. The words seem to settle in my stomach, weighing it down and making me gulp. Love truthfully? I can’t… I can’t do that just quite yet. 

“Yes, Mom.” I say again before going back into the hug. I don’t want to lie to my mother so I make a promise to myself that this will be the last time I ever lie to her.  

Later on, Veronica and I take a walk around the Garrison grounds. Things are still messy from our fight with the Galra but it’s nice to get some fresh air. Plus, it’s nice to catch up with my sister. We couldn’t exactly bond much during battle. I ask her all about why she was suddenly so interested with space and she asked me about my adventures outside of the Milky Way. She’s fascinated by all the technology and the different alien races so I keep her occupied with stories.

I don’t know if she finds it suspicious when I stiff and change the direction we’re walking in, but it’s because I catch sight of Allura, Romelle and Keith heading our way. I would have been fine if it was Romelle and Keith but I have a feeling that Allura won’t like to see me. I don’t know if I’d want to see her either. 

Things are really confusing right now. Really confusing. Dealing with readjusting to life changed by the Galra is one thing but readjusting to a life I changed myself is another thing entirely.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance learns something new about Shiro and James Griffin becomes the bearer of good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the comments and kudos left on chapter one, it warms my heart to see that people are enjoying something I've worked so hard on. I've been writing fan fiction for just over three years now but recently I've been struggling with it. Your support and feedback really helps my confidence. I promise to work hard to improve my writing skills and make this a wonderful fan fiction!

That night I decide to go through the very, very long list of my crushes through the years. It’s sad that I’ve already forgotten some names but there’s some that’ll never forget. 

I think the oldest crush I’ve had was on a character from an incredibly old animated movie called Mulan. Looking back now, it’s kind of strange that I had a crush on an animated fictional character but it did fuel my two month long obsession with the history of China, so I guess something good came out of it. At least now when someone asks me who the fifth Chinese emperor, I’ll know that it was Yinzhen, the Yongzheng Emperor. 

I had a crush on Jenny Shaybon since third grade, when one day she came to school in the prettiest dress I’d ever seen. Lots of ribbons and bows and a matching pair of tiny buckled shoes. I still remember how her strawberry blonde hair was tied up into a ponytail, secured in a shiny silver bow. It was lucky that Jenny went to the same middle school and then flight school but she dropped out when her family moved to Europe, causing my crush on her to be, well, crushed. It was a real shame, she was a talented pilot with a flair for the more dangerous stunts. Sometimes I wonder what she’s doing nowadays. 

When I turned thirteen the more spontaneous crushes started. Alicia Hanson, Karla Jensen, Alex Cheng, Lulu Lee and others I can’t remember the names of. I remember Alicia was from Australia and she promised me that she’d send me a postcard from there when she went home in the summer. She didn’t come back at all, never mind send a postcard. I had my first kiss with Karla, sent my first love letter to Alex and… there were a lot of firsts with Lulu, especially as we got older. I remember her older brother and a friend of his accidentally came into her room to look for a DVD without knocking while we were ‘messing around’. That put a sudden end to our relationship but I wasn’t too bummed. Lulu liked to move fast and jump into the deep end of things, whereas I preferred to go slow and steady. 

Things changed when I got into the Garrison. I thought I would be doomed here- that I would never see another female until I graduated (thinking back now, I technically haven’t even graduated yet. Huh). It turns out that there were a lot of girls but none of them were really my type. I remember back in my first year there was talk of a Taylor who was supposedly smoking hot but I never came across her. Instead, I was forced into a life of zero romance. Sure, there were nights that I would drag Hunk out into town with me but there was nothing solid or real.

But- but there was him. He’s still here, perhaps there’s a chance! Maybe we could-

_Stop_ , I interupt myself, _You can’t. You won’t. Don’t disappoint your family like that, Lance._

For once I’m making sense. I’m right, I won’t. The feeling I felt with him probably wasn’t even real and therefor I have nothing to worry about. I’m the same old Lancey Lance who loves his families and loves the stars. Everything is fine. Things could not be better. 

 

-

 

Today is a Sunday and Sunday means no visitors. Even though they’re my family and Veronica literally works in the Garrison, my family isn’t allowed in. As much as I love them, I’m kind of grateful. Sometimes I freak out a bit when the first thing I see when I wake up is Marco peering down at me. I make no priority of getting out of bed this morning, I even read a part of a book Pidge gave me the other day. After a few chapters, I decide to get out of bed and head to the bathroom. 

I make quick work of showering and applying my skin care products afterwards. Through the whirring of my hairdryer (I try not to think of how Allura calls them ‘air blowers’ which is kind of cute) I can hear chatter in the hallway. I hope Hunk’s made breakfast. One of the best parts of being back home is that he finally has the resources to make all our favourite dishes. He made garlic knots for me a week ago and I almost teared up at how good they tasted. 

I open the door and look out into the hallway. Keith, his funky space wolf/dog thing and his mom, Krolia, are making their way to the communal living room. They finally seem to have reached the closeness of a mother and son, which is probably why he’s been so happy recently. 

“So then I said ‘well you can suck my quiznak’, like an idiot. He doesn’t even know what a quiznak is! I don’t know what I was thinking…” Keith’s laughter fades away the further they walk. I stand in my doorway for a moment, watching as the two of them laugh as their pet runs rings around them. I wonder if small family equals close family. 

“Hey, guys, wait up!” I yell as I chase after them. I’m relieved when they actually stop and wait for me. It would’ve been embarrassing if they just kept walking. Krolia gives me a small smile, which I consider to be very welcoming considering the fact that we had a patchy beginning. 

“Did you sleep well, Lance?” She asks.

I lie, “Like a log. How about you?” 

“I’m having trouble adjusting to having consistent hours of darkness but I’m getting there.” She smiles suddenly, a proper smile that lets me see her pointed fangs, “Also, Keith snores.” I crack a grin and look at Keith. His face flushes red. 

“Mom!” He exclaims through gritted teeth. Although her son seems irritated, Krolia continues to smile. I suppose hearing your son call you ‘mom’ must feel good. Especially after years of separation. 

I flop down on the couch in the living room while the pair head through to the kitchen and look over to where Shiro is flexing his new arm. I try to poke my finger through the empty space of it but it’s pushed back, kind of like when you try to push the wrong ends of two magnets together. Shiro chuckles hollowly. There’s a newspaper open in his lap- he’s one of those guys that prefers to read his news on paper rather than on a screen- showing a double spread on the lives lost during the fight against Sendak. 

“You okay?” I ask, quiet enough that Keith won’t hear and immediately start fussing over him. Shiro’s eyes flicker over to him for a moment before he picks up the newspaper and he points to a photograph. A young man dressed spick and span in his Garrison uniform. Although he’s posing for a serious photo, there’s still a happy glint in his eyes, which are looking behind the camera. I wonder what distracted him. Underneath the photograph, there’s a name: Adam W.

“I’ve known him for my whole life,” There’s a wistful smile on Shiro’s face, “He always kept me out of trouble during school and he was the only one that wanted to watch the broadcast of the Calypso voyagers land on Europa.” 

“That’s what made you want to be a pilot, right?” 

He nods, “That and Adam.” His face turns a little red suddenly and his smile broadens, “I sneaked us into an observatory one night for a date and we spent the night drinking wine and looking at the stars. I told him that one day I’d go to the moon and bring him back a piece.” 

I try not to look surprised. So Adam W. was his… significant other? I look back at the photograph in the newspaper. He’d died while trying to fight of the Galra. How is Shiro still so together?

“I loved Adam but he was too scared to let me on the Kerberos mission. He told me he wouldn’t be here when I got back.” Shiro caresses the photo with his human thumb, “I guess he was right.” 

I don’t know if I should hug him or what, but I put a hand on his shoulder and squeeze gently. His eyes are glistening. It doesn’t feel right to say ‘I’m sorry’. I shouldn’t apologise for him loving Adam. I shouldn’t apologise for Adam being brave enough to fight for his home. I just sit with him and watch as he uses his Galra arm to carefully cut Adam’s picture out of the newspaper and take out his wallet from his jeans. Inside there’s a couple dollar bills and a photo of a young, dark haired Shiro with a young Keith and a young Adam. The photo goes in next to it. 

“If you ever need to talk about stuff,” I say eventually, “I’ll listen.” I want to add in a funny joke about not talking and not being annoying but I don’t want to ruin the moment. This is the first time we’ve properly bonded in ages, I want it to stay sweet. 

“Right back at you.” Shiro says with a smile. He slips his wallet back into his pocket and I get down onto the rug to start up the Wii. 

“Mario Kart?” I offer him a controller. He smiles and his eyes crinkle slightly. I hope that one day he’ll have crows feet around his eyes, just like how my parents do. He deserves to have signs of happiness on his face. 

Shiro takes the controller. 

Later on at dinner he lets me brag about how close I was to beating him (a lie, but it’s fine because we both know it would be very embarrassing if they knew that I’d lost fourteen games to him). The lie is eaten up like one of Coran’s alien dishes but I don’t really mind. I think it’s quite sad if someone’s a good lier, it means they have experience with hiding things. I’m a hypocrite, I know. 

Halfway through dinner the main doors to the rest of the Garrison swoosh open. I look up from the table and immediately focus on my meal again. It’s James Griffin. He isn't in his cadet uniform, he’s in his flight suit with his helmet tucked underneath his arm. 

“Sorry to interrupt,” He says with an easy smile, “but I have good news.” Hunk makes me scoot up next to Pidge and he pulls up a chair for him between Keith and I. I don’t miss how Keith stiffens slightly and his grip on his cutlery tightens. I don’t blame him for being on edge, I’m not a big fan of this guy either. Griffin doesn’t turn down the invitation and sits down. He looks at Keith for a moment before smiling politely at the rest of the team. 

“You’ve been given the all clear.” He says as he swipes up a buttered slice of baguette, “You can all go home to your families now.” I look at Hunk. He’s not grinning like I thought he would be. His eyes are downcast, his knife and fork paused mid cut. Pidge, however, is practically bouncing up and down with excitement. 

“Really? It’s been approved?” She asks. Griffin smiles and nods. 

“Iverson told me to tell you.” He gives Hunk a thumbs up, “Good bread, by the way.” Ugh, he’s a bread guy. Gross. I try some of the baguette.

“I don’t mean to be rude but shouldn’t a medical professional be telling us this?” Shiro asks. 

“They thought it would be best if a friend told you. We all know that your relationship with the Garrison has been… rocky.” Griffin winces. He’s not wrong. Back when I was a proper cadet, Iverson would constantly demote me to a dumb goof. Then he had Shiro strapped down to a table which isn’t the loveliest thing in the world. Shiro nods at Griffin’s answer. 

“Makes sense.” 

“What about Allura, Coran and Romelle?” Hunk asks quietly. I look back to him, “And me. My home was destroyed by the Galra, my family’s been staying here since they were freed from the camp.” 

Griffin gives him a supportive grin, “My team have been working on it. Leifsdottir is a surprisingly great architect. It’s built exactly where your old home was and, although I know it won’t have the same memories attached to it, I hope you’ll accept it.” Hunk grins at him. 

“Of course I will. Remind me to send you a gift basket.” 

I catch Keith and his mom looking at each other from across the table. I wonder if their tiny desert shack is still standing. I wonder if my family’s farmhouse is still standing. 

“Lance?” I jump when Griffin calls my name, “You okay?” I correct my posture and nod. 

“Yeah, man. Thanks for telling us.” 

He nods firmly, “Of course.” 

Griffin leaves after another slice of bread and hands Shiro some papers he’d hidden in his helmet. 

“Your medical assessments.” He says quietly before turning to the rest of us, “Goodnight, everyone. Be sure to say goodbye to me before you go home.” 

Keith’s shoulders relax only after he’s gone.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance has a late night heart to heart with Krolia and makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I'm sorry for the short chapter and if there are any spelling or grammatical errors, I won't make any excuses for them. Please enjoy!

I start packing up my things late that night. I couldn’t sleep so I’d decided to be productive and get a head start. The photographs I’d taken of my friends are moved from my wall to an envelope, my tiny radio’s aerial is retracted and it’s placed into the bottom of my backpack, my jacket is placed on the back of a chair, ready to be worn tomorrow. 

I pop out to the kitchen in search of some plastic containers to hold the funky rocks and stones I’d collected from different planets but, on my way, I find Krolia curled up on the couch. She looks almost unnaturally small and timid. Clutched tightly in her hands is a sheet of paper. I’m still for a moment, taking it in, but I jump when the lights suddenly turn on. 

“Why are you up at this hour?” Krolia asks. I have every right to ask her the same thing but I’m still kind of scared of her (even if she is wearing the cutest fuzzy slippers right now) so I just shrug. 

“I couldn’t sleep so I’m packing.” 

“You’re leaving so soon?” She raises an eyebrow at me. I nod and sit down next to her. She puts the sheet of paper down onto the coffee table. 

“Yup. I was really homesick for the first few months up in space.” I shiver just remembering it. There were nights were I wouldn’t sleep because it was too quiet or I missed my mom too much. 

“That’s a shame.” Krolia shifts slightly, “Your team will miss you.” 

I think about that for a moment. It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to think about them missing me. It’s nice to feel wanted. 

“I’ll miss them too.” I say quietly, “We won’t drift apart or anything, though. Not after everything we've been through.” I decide to change the subject because I’m starting to think about Allura, “What’s that you’ve got there?”

For or a moment Krolia is silent and I fear that it’s something personal and she’s going to rip my head off but she passes it to me. Although the lights are dim, I can see that it’s a drawing depicting two people. Two men, one younger than the other. They both have similar features but the younger one has a scar running across his cheek. The older one has his arm draped loosely around his shoulder. It’s Keith and his father. 

“This is what my family would’ve looked like today if Heith was still alive.” I hand the drawing back to her and she caresses the man’s face, “He’s forever immortalised as a young man. I’ll never know how he’d look as an old man.” I can’t relate to how Krolia feels, I’ve never lost a lover or family member. I try to think of my father dying, to try to understand her pain, and decide that it’s a bad idea. My chest starts to feel too tight. Instead I think of Keith. 

“Keith drew this?” I ask. 

Krolia smiles with pride so powerful only a parent has the capabilities of experiencing, “Yes. I have no idea where he inherited the skill.” 

I tell her the story of the time we were unwilling contestants on Garfle Warfle Snick and how Keith was challenged to draw different people we’d met on our adventures. The catch, he only had several seconds to do so. Although I’m sure she’s heard it before, Krolia still laughs at my story and adds occasional comments about Keith.

“I’m glad he has friends that think of him so highly.” She says quietly, “While we were stuck in the quantum abyss he told me all about you. He thinks the world of his team.” I smile at that. I know that Keith has trouble expressing his admiration so hearing confirmation that he truly likes us is comforting.

“So are you staying on Earth?” I ask. Krolia is silent for a moment before nodding. 

“For as long as possible, yes. I have new duties now that I’ve been promoted to a leader within the Blade but spending time with my son is my top priority.” Her eyebrows knit together and she leans closer to me. Almost inaudibly, she whispers, “I’ve been considering asking Shiro to stay with us. Keith loves him too much to leave him and I’m not sure if he has his own place to stay. I need to repay him for taking such good care of him, too.” I smile and nod. 

“He’d love that. I honestly don’t know if he’d be able to function without Keith in his life.” 

The bond between Shiro and Keith has always been strong. Back during our Garrison days I always found it fishy how Mr Showoff McAngrypilot was always so close to Lieutenant Shirogane. He saw something in him that no one else could and put the time and effort into exploring it. After the Kerberos incident, Keith was unstable. Dangerously so. I put an end to our mutual rivalry and avoided him at all costs, that’s how scary he was. The last straw was when he punched Iverson in the face and, without Shiro to defend him, he was booted from the Garrison. 

Each time they lost each other was painful, even an outsider like me could tell. But their reunions were magical. Each time they called each other’s names and ran from one side of the battlefield to the other just to be together was unlike any other brotherly bond I’d seen. Their relationship is strong. They are strong. But separation can bring them to their knees. 

I wonder what Keith thought of Adam. 

Although I’m not tired, I yawn and Krolia insists I go back to bed. 

“You can pack later, your wellbeing is much more important.” She says firmly. I don’t want to argue with her so I get up onto my feet. I look down to Keith’s drawing again. Keith and his father are smiling with the warmth of a thousand suns. I’m glad that this is how they’re immortalised, not as a loner halfbreed or a dead fireman. Father and son, Keith and Heith. Together only on a sheet of off-white paper.

I wish Krolia a good night and I dive into bed, making sure to keep my head under the comforter so she doesn’t hear me weep for her family. 

 

In the morning I decide that I’m not ready to go just yet. I’m not sure when to tell my family.

“I want to see Allura.” Marty whispers to me. I laugh and suggest he runs off to find her. He shakes his head, “No, she won’t kiss me because she’s sad. She says she wants to kiss someone else.” My heart feels heavy. 

“Just give her some time, buddy.” I say jokingly before Luis scoops him up. 

“I’m sure Allura and her friends will visit a lot when Uncle Lance comes home.” He says. I smile anxiously. 

“About that…” I wait until my mom is sitting by my side on the bed before telling them, “The doctors gave me the all clear to come home last night.” 

Mom’s face lights up, “That’s wonderful, Lance! We’re a bit tight on money at the moment but I suppose that lion of your’s could give us a ride home, couldn’t it? I hope not to much damage was done to the place, I heard that Cuba was hit quite hard.” 

“Uncle Lance is coming home?” Daisy pipes up. I shake my head quickly. Her smile disappears. 

“Not right away.” I return my attention to my crestfallen mom, “I really missed you guys while I was in space, I still do, but I need to take some time to say goodbye to my team. We’ve been through a lot together.” 

Dad nods and stands from his chair. He pats my shoulder, “I understand. I suppose they’re sort of like a second family for you.”

“Exactly. I still need to tie up some loose ends.” 

Mom takes my hand and sighs, “We need to go home, Lance. You understand, don’t you?”

“Of course,” I nod. I bet Daisy and Marty have missed out on a lot of school recently and I can tell, even though they try to hide it, that they’re all homesick. 

The Garrison is not a home, especially not for the McClains. I’ll see them again soon and I’ll feel the sun on my skin, the sand between my toes, the wind in my hair. I’ll be home soon.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance and Shiro visit Adam's memorial and come home to an angry Allura.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! The cartoon Lance watches in this is called Lend A Paw, it's a Disney animaton from 1941. I grew up watching it on VHS and I was delighted to find it on YouTube, I knew that I wanted to somehow incorporate it into this! It's just eight minutes long, here's the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKcKFddjegw . Please enjoy!

Pidge is quick to leave, which is slightly disappointing but to be expected. She’s being chasing after her family for so many years now and they’re finally together again. We throw her a little party in her honour the night before she flies out to Italy. 

Hunk is hesitant to leave, he privately tells me that he is unsure if the house James Griffin’s team built will be as homely as his last, but his family are desperate to have him back. They lost their two other children in the war, Hunk is now an only child. If Mom was in their position, if something happened to me or any of the other kids, she’d never let us leave the country again. Hunk leaves four days after Pidge does and we throw him a party too. Although we’ll miss his expert cooking, I’ll miss his hugs and support. Who will Keith and I wrestle if he’s not there? 

And so our team of nine dwindles down to seven, eight if Kosmo is counted, and I’m doing my best to avoid any and all Alteans, meaning I can only talk to Shiro, Keith, Krolia and Kosmo if I’m feeling lonely. Things have been different between Krolia and I since our late night heart to heart, but it’s a good different. She says ‘hello’ to me in the hallways and even accepted my offer to a game of Connect Four (Krolia won first try, I was not amused). Keith is Keith and he’s like one very specific Katy Perry song. Sometimes he’ll have breakfast with me and we’ll have a chat but sometimes he takes one look at me and will turn and walk away in the other direction. 

“Rude!” I always call out after him. 

I like spending time with Shiro. He talks about Adam a lot and then apologises for it but I always tell him to carry on. I’ve always liked it when my grandfather would tell stories about his old army buddies and his long-dead relatives. Adam isn’t much different. It feels slightly more personal, though, like there’s a ghost that now watches over me. I find myself thinking about him a lot each time I visit a place he and Shiro used to frequent.

The day comes when Shiro asks me to accompany him to the Garrison’s memorial wall for all the pilots, soldiers and cadets who lost their lives while protecting Earth from the Galra. We go to a garden outside and steal some flowers (there aren’t many, just weeds, but “Adam always liked dandelions, he’d like these more than tulips”). 

There is only one other person at the memorial wall, a cadet who’s kneeling down with her head on her knees. I can’t tell if she’s crying or not but she’s shivering. Shiro knows exactly where Adam’s plaque is, close to the middle and surrounded by others. If I hadn’t known what he looked like I wouldn’t have been able to pick him out, it’s like all the names have been merged into one sea of meaningless words. It makes my chest feel tight. 

“Do you wish it was bigger?” I ask as Shiro places the dandelions down at the bottom of the wall. It looks as if they could be for anyone, “The plaque, I mean.” 

Shiro stands and spends a moment gazing at his lover’s photograph, “No, I don’t think so. He wasn’t one for standing out, he just kept his head down and got on with things.” He reaches his hand out suddenly, raises it so his fingers almost brush against the name engraved into the plaque.

“I miss him. Things ended on a sour note between us but I still loved him. I feel like… like I still do.” He retracts his hand and it curls into a fist at his side, “A part of me resents him, though. Adam was always the cautious one, my voice of reason, he warned me not to go to space or I’d wind up dead.” He laughs bitterly, “Ironic, huh?”

I put a hand onto his shoulder, “It’s honourable though, right? He died for his planet and its people.” Shiro’s shoulders relax and so do his fists. He nods. 

“Yes, yes, it is. His family would’ve been proud.” 

The cadet is still on her knees when we leave.

When we get back to the communal area, Shiro hugs me and thanks me for today.

“It means a lot, Lance. I’m glad that it’s you who knows about this part of my life.” He says quietly. I try not to frown. Has he not told Allura? They’re close, it’s hard to believe that he hasn’t told her about Adam. And what about Keith? They were best friends during their Garrison days together, I’m sure that he was friends with Adam as well. I don’t want to press Shiro about it, though. I can’t risk ruining this- it’s not often that we bond so well. 

“And I’m glad that you let me know.” I reply with a nod. Shiro looks at me suddenly, his grey eyes boring into mine, before he gives me a small smile. Suddenly his eyes leave mine, he looks behind me, before his face falls.

“Hello, Allura.” He says. My heart sinks. I turn around and there she is, Princess Allura of Altea, looking as beautiful as always, even if she is in a pair of fluffy pyjamas. Her eyes are bloodshot and her hair is tangled, I suppose she’s been in bed all day. 

“Hello, Shiro.” She looks at me suddenly, eyes big and weepy and bloodshot, “Could I steal Lance for a moment?” I look back and forth between them before swallowing the small lump in my throat. Sure, I can talk to her for a couple minutes but nothing more. Just looking at her makes me feel guilty.

“Sure, thing.” I mutter before patting Shiro’s arm, “I’ll see you around.” He gives me a short nod before clearing out of the communal area. I sit down with Allura on one of the couches and wait for her to say something. I don’t want to start this conversation off on the wrong foot. 

“You led me on.” Allura says eventually. My chest tightens. I feared that she’d accuse me of that. 

“I didn’t. Having a crush on you, acting like I had a crush on you and then not having a crush on you and acting like it is not leading you on.” I try to sound defensive and strong but my words come out weak and unsure. Although she’s clearly a mess, Allura exudes confidence. She’s planned this out, she knows exactly what she’s going to say to me.

“Don’t play the victim here, Lance.“

I hate the way she says my name. I hate it. 

“I’m not.”

“You’re the villain, it’s your fault that I’m such a mess. Did you think this would be fun, to have a princess fall for you, only to discard her like she’s a piece of rubbish?”

“You’re not a piece of rubbish.”

“Well you’re acting like I am!” She snaps before taking a deep breath and cradling her face in her hands, “You should leave.” 

I straighten my back and clench my hands into fists at my side. What? 

“You can leave, so why don’t you? You were so desperate to run away home while you were a paladin, what’s holding you back now?” She glares at me suddenly, “You enjoy this, don’t you? You like seeing me like this.” My chest tightens. Why does she always make me out to be the villain?”

“You’ve got it wrong. It hurts me to see you so sad, I hate it.” 

“If you hate it so much then leave.” She crosses her arms over her chest and points a finger out at me, “Every time I look at you I feel cheated. I’ll only be happy when you’re gone.” 

I shake my head. I can’t believe this. I leave the communal area and she yells out after me, yelling about my ugly ears and my sick sense of humour but I ignore her. I’m conflicted- should I find Shiro? No, I can’t. Telling him would be cowardly. I grip at my hair, why can’t I stand up to Allura? Why won’t she listen to me?

I pass by Hunk’s door and then Pidge’s, both closed, and I stop at mine. Looking down the corridor, there’s a strip of light on the ground. It’s coming from the private quarters Keith shares with Krolia and any other visiting Blades. If I try hard enough I can hear quiet talking. I can’t make out any words and I don’t want to either, Mom and Dad taught me not to snoop, but… it’s comforting. Knowing that someone else, maybe Keith or Shiro, is having a quiet moment. They’re not scared right now, they’re not being threatened over their feelings. 

I can’t stop myself from walking towards the strip of light. As I get closer, I can hear more. There’s soft, cartoon-y voices and gentle but dramatic orchestral music played underneath crackling sounds. Peaking through the thin opening to the private quarters, I can see a clunky television (one of the really old ones, one old enough to be sold in an antique show for good money) playing an animated cartoon. I can’t make out any fine details or tell who the characters are from such a great distance away but it’s comforting to see such calming, muted colours and hear silly voices. The main character’s upset voice sounds like Allura’s angry one but a bit less British, it makes me puff out a breath of laughter. 

“ _Kindness to animals, my friend, will be rewarded in the end!_ ” A voice says. The screen turns dark. I can hear movement from inside the quarters and I’m quick to get to my feet, knees cracking as I do so, as to not be caught snooping. Although I wasn’t able to see it clearly, I enjoyed the cartoon. It was short and sweet, with a good message. A part of me wants to knock on the door and ask for the name so I can recommend it to my niece and nephew but _snooping is bad, Lance_. 

So I trudge back to my room, relapsing into remembering my fight with Allura. I starfish out onto my bed and stare up at the blank ceiling. 

Dinner is awkward. Usually Coran never allows us to sit in silence, he always has conversation prompts at the ready, but he’s away at a press conference with Iverson and Krolia. Romelle is looking guilty while Allura glares at me from across the table, Keith won’t say a word (when he needs the pepper, which is at the other side of the table, he gets up and walks around to get it instead of just asking someone to pass it), Shiro looks fed up and, to top it all off, James Griffin has insisted on joining us. Blissfully unaware of the stiffness surrounding us, he quite happily butters his bread before dipping it into his lentil soup. Ew.

I wish he would leave, that he would leave us alone now that the war is over, because he’s just so perfect. James Griffin, MFE Pilot and hero, with the best posture and best hair and best sense of generosity. Putting aside their very different reputations, he almost reminds me of Prince Lotor. He eats his soggy bread without getting a single drop of soup on the corners of his lips, how is that even possible? I try extra hard to eat like him, even practicing how to swallow the way he does, but I can’t. I make this strange gulping noise every time I swallow food or drinks, it’s something that drives my peers insane, but I can’t help it. And I can’t silence it either, I discover. 

“I thought you would be home by now, Lance. You seemed quite eager to go.” I’m surprised by him addressing me of all people. I straighten my back. 

“Yeah, I planned on leaving the morning after I got the all clear but I still have paladin stuff to attend to.” I say, “My family understand, though.” He looks at me for a moment before nodding to me. 

“What about you, Keith?” He asks. 

Keith is still for a moment before he puts down his spoon and says, “I have a place in the desert. My mom and I’ll stay there.” I raise an eyebrow, doesn’t he realise that his old desert shack has probably been destroyed? Practically every structure around here has. I don’t want to rain on his parade, though, and I can tell that Griffin is going to burst his bubble so I step in. 

“What about you, Shiro?”

He looks up from his bowl of soup and says, “I always dreamed of living in Japan, my grandfather used to take me there on holiday before he passed away.” His face darkens suddenly and his eyes dart back down to his dinner. I hope I haven’t upset him, I don’t want our friendship to be ruined. How can I fix this? How-

I try to think about the cartoon from earlier. Not the cartoon itself, just the soft colours and crackling audio. My breathing relaxes, I can feel my jaw unclenching. 

“I’m going to head to bed.” I say. I can’t deal with Allura’s hatred and James Griffin’s perfectness. Not tonight, anyway. I stand and, surprisingly, so does Keith.

“Good idea. I won’t be here tomorrow, I have plans. Goodnight.” He says curtly before stalking off to his room. His whole body is shaking, probably from some hidden anger, so I try to keep a couple paces behind him. His nails are digging into his hands, I don’t miss the deep red crescent moons on his palms. 

“Hey, you okay, man?” I call out. Keith freezes before looking at me from over his shoulder. He smiles suddenly and it’s terrifying how forced it is. His lips are shaking and he’s grinding his teeth. 

“Everything’s just peachy, Lance.” He says before turning around and continuing on his way to the Blade’s private quarters. 

_Peachy?_ Keith would never say that in a million gazillion years. We may not be that close but I can tell that something’s definitely wrong. I should tell Shiro but he already has enough on his plate so he’s out of the equation. Krolia would be next on my list but telling someones’ mom is just a general no no. Allura’s out of the question, too, because she’s a huge jerk and her past with Keith has never been that great. 

So that leaves me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lance follows Keith to Plaht City.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the lack of updates! I've been so busy with homework aaaaaaa.

I wake up at 4 o’clock, 4 o-freaking-clock, because Kosmo is being noisy. Even with my head under the comforter and my door closed, I can still hear him whining out in the hallway.

“No, stay.” I hear then. That’s… that’s Keith’s voice. He said he was going out but who in their right mind goes anywhere at 4 a.m? “You’re going to wake up everyone. Go find Shiro or someone. _Go_.”

The whining stops and I hear footsteps. I creep out of bed and press my ear against the door. The footsteps get quieter and quieter until they cease. I frown.

I take a shower so fast it beats my personal record and dress myself. My clothes aren’t perfect, they’re hand-me-downs Marco gave me so they’re different from my usual style and a bit too big. Fall has just begun so thankfully the super long sleeves of his jumper will keep me warm. I have to roll up the bottoms of his jeans three times just so they’ll fit me but I don’t really mind, they actually look pretty cool like this. I grab my phone and wallet (one I actually bought myself, I can’t continue to use the Pokémon wallet I got for Christmas when I was nine) and then my lanyard pass. It grants me full access to every part of the Garrison, a privilege I’ve yet to fully exploit.

Creeping out of our quarters reminds me of how I used to sneak out to the city with Hunk when we were cadets. We’d leave the dormitory and run out to the very back of the Garrison gardens, where we’d jump over the chainlink fence to the dark desert night. From there we’d run down an old dirt path to the bus stop ten minutes away and use our student IDs to catch a free ride out to Plaht City. We were never caught but there were definitely a couple close calls. No one will stop me in the halls now.

There’s very few people up at this time, it’s almost completely silent. But in a place like the Garrison, a place with so many geniuses and masterminds, there’s always someone awake at crazy o’clock. As I pass by one of the main staff rooms (it’s strange not having to duck underneath the large window like I used to), there’s a man and a woman sitting at a table with stacks and stacks of paper between them. The woman is chewing on the end of a red pen while the man is punching numbers into a calculator. They must catch me walking past because the woman nods to me while the man salutes. I salute back.

I don’t know where Keith could’ve gone but my gut is telling me that he’s not preparing to lead a seminar for the cadets or go to a meeting. My feet seem to pull me along to kitchens at the back of the compound. If it hasn’t changed since I was last here then there should be a back door kept open where food deliveries come in. Hunk and I used to escape out through it.

The only lights here are the ones overhead. They buzz out a warning that makes me shiver but I keep on going. I know I won’t get in trouble for being here, not with my all-access pass, but it’s been trained into me to no go where I’m not wanted. I doubt the cooks will be happy to find me snooping around here. Just as I expected, the back door is held open by a large weight on the floor. The Garrison has always been keen on stopping light pollution so I’m able to see every single star. I slip out through the thin gap.

The Garrison gardens used to be filled with bushes and small trees during the summer and spring, during fall it was the best place to jump around in leaves and in winter it was a snowball fight war zone. But now the shrubbery have been destroyed and all that’s left is mud. I try not to think about all the little birds that must have lost their nests. At the very end of the patch is the chainlink fence, a solid twelve feet tall but easily scalable. A hooded figure at the bottom of the fence takes a few steps back before flinging a bag over and starting to climb. Judging by their speed and frame, it’s probably Keith. He’s heading out to Plaht City, then.

I wait for him to jump down to the other side and start walking before sneaking up to the fence and starting the climb. I forgot how it rattles with even the slightest of touches, I flinch at the noise but luckily Keith doesn’t seem to notice. He continues to walk, hands in his pockets with his bag over his shoulder. He’s not wearing a jacket, just a t-shirt and jeans. I hope he isn’t too cold, hopefully he has a jacket in his bag if he needs it.

I pause at the top of the fence and look up at the sky. Hunk and I were in the same astronomy class, he used to quiz me on the different star names and distances up here. Even after all this time, I can still remember all of their names and the stories behind them. I smile as I jump down onto the dirt path below. I can be clumsy at times but I’m surprisingly good at silent descents.

I know this path like the back of my hand but, like almost everything, it’s changed. The rock I used to always trip over is gone, the badger hole has been filled up (hopefully they evacuated it first) and even the shrivelled tree that I carved my initials into has been teared from the ground. I almost trip over a stray root I wasn’t able to spot in the dark. The walk takes longer than ten minutes, maybe fifteen, because Keith is being slow and I have to stay a good two dozen meters behind him. I start to wonder if the bus will even come, I’ve heard that public transport is still struggling to get back onto its feet. Sure enough, the bus stop sign is lying on the ground, a stone’s throw away from where it used to stand. Keith just continues to walk.

Plaht City was hit hard during the fight against Sendak, it was the first thing we saw when we returned to Earth. I’ve heard that there was a miraculous lack of casualties during its destruction, the EMTs did a great job at evacuating the citizens, but it’s been difficult to rebuild it. The Garrison created a new task force to help with it and there were volunteers from all different parts of the universe who helped getting it back in order. I haven’t heard any new updates about the situation. 

Although it’s cold and dark and a little bit spooky, I enjoy the walk. It’s been a while since I’ve had the chance to properly stretch my legs, laps around the Garrison grounds become boring quickly. My only complaints are that I feel bad about following Keith like this. Technically it’s for his own good, I’m only trying to look out for him, but it feels like I’m snooping. What he doesn’t know can’t hurt him, right? An uneasy feeling starts to build in my gut. I seriously hope I’m not going to have to follow him anywhere dodgy. Soon enough a light glow starts to build up at the horizon and Plaht City is finally in view! Even in the wee hours of the morning, it’s still up and running.

Following Keith through Plaht City is very interesting. I try to think of this as more of a sightseeing opportunity because I’m amazed. The shops and stores have been demolished, replaced by an outdoor market selling all kinds of things. Whenever Keith spins around without warning, I can jump behind a heavily-stocked coat stand and be completely out of view. The stalls make excellent hiding spots and it’s also a good chance to do a bit of shopping. I fork out some coins from my wallet to contribute towards some breakfast, a strawberry jam bun with flour sprinkled on top like snow. While I eat it, I watch Keith inspect pottery and pans. Why would he need this?

He buys a stew pot and little flower vases with cracks in the ceramic. He carries them around in a cardboard box but as his shopping trip continues, he starts to fill up his bag. He buys cutlery and curtains and even a bristly welcome mat. It’s fun to see Keith, oh so stoic and silent Keith, doing something as normal as shopping. I suppose it’s all for his house in the desert, the tiny shack he’s so sure still stands.

Around seven o’clock, Keith buys an apple from a food vendor and leaves the marketplace. I follow behind while snacking on a crêpe (I got it for $4 from a nice old woman, she topped it with diced strawberries, whipped cream and chocolate sauce). A part of me wants to reveal myself or spindle some lie about having been passing through the area just so I can help him carry his near-bursting bag but I keep quiet. I can’t reveal myself now. Keith doesn’t stop walking until we reach the part of Plaht City that hasn’t been rebuilt yet, the ruins of homes and offices. He hops up on a brick wall and sits with his back to me, watching the sun rise. I sit behind a pillar that’s missing its top half and finish off the crêpe.

The sunrise is beautiful. While I was a paladin up in space, I never had the time to sit down and watch a planet’s sun (or suns, some planets had hundreds) rise and then eventually set. There were always meetings to be held and training records to be smashed, a simple pleasure like watching the sunrise wasn’t always possible. On the rare occasions that I did manage to watch a sunrise, they were always spectacular and varied depending on the planet. In some places the light would creep up from the horizon as a deep sea green colour but would dilute into a softer shade as the day went on. Sometimes a sunrise was fast and the nighttime would be over quickly, other times it was the opposite. It was fun to ponder over the differences but no sunrise ever bet that of Earth’s. Our sunrise had meaning to me, it was a fresh start with new opportunities waiting, it wasn’t like that on Krell or Arus.

I don’t notice Keith packing up his things and jumping down from the wall until I hear his light footsteps. My heart leaps in my chest and I dive around to the other side of the pillar to avoid being spotted. Peering out from behind it, I can see that he has his earphones in and his eyebrows are knitted together. I wonder what he’s listening to, he’s never talked about music or podcasts before.

Now that the sun is up, it’s slightly warmer. Not by much but it’s something. It feels good to have the sun on my neck, I don’t even regret having not put sunscreen on. As we weave our way through the growing market crowd, I quickly stop to buy a cup of lemonade from a group of kids. It’s sweet how something as simple as a quarter and a smile can make them all giggle.

The walk out of Plaht City is peaceful. It’s strange to look up at the sky and see hawks, not ships. One soars overhead, circling before diving down to a patch of dry grass in the distance, probably chasing after a mouse or something. The stones on the ground cast long, thin shadows.

When Keith gets to the fence, he puts his box and bag on the ground. Instead of just chucking them over, he searches for any holes at the bottom of the wire wall. A few years ago I would have laughed, I knew this thing better than anyone else but, like everything else on Earth, things have changed and there’s a big rip at the bottom hidden behind a wiry, leafless bush. He slides his things through it before climbing over it. I wait until he’s slipped through the back door before following.

As it’s now nearing eight o’clock, the Garrison is busier now. I look out of place, everyone else is in their spick and span uniforms, but Keith sticks out like a sore thumb. No one questions him, though, a few offer salutes that he can’t return because of his full hands. I manage to salute back. I hang around for a bit before joining Keith in the communal area.

He’s the only one in there, spare Kosmo who’s sniffing at the boxes with narrowed eyes. Keith looks up to the door when I enter and then he smiles. It’s not welcoming, though, it’s more devious and knowing.

“Beautiful morning, isn’t it?” He says quietly before his smile disappears, “Especially down in Plaht City.”

Oh.

_Oh._

It’s okay, I can save myself, it’s fine. I say, “Really? I wouldn’t know, I’ve been in the gym all day.” It sounds totally smooth, one hundred percent truthful and I’m- who am I kidding? My words come out wobbly and small and oh so opaque.

“Cut it out, I knew you were following me from the moment I got over the fence.” He hisses, “Why? Don’t you have better things to do than stalking?”

“It was not stalking! I’m just concerned for you. I mean, what kind of person goes out at four o’clock in the morning?”

“Me. You. Everyone else at the market.” He stands and strides towards me, eyes blazing. I hadn’t anticipated being found out, I have no plan for this. I can’t save myself. Keith only stops walking when our noses are barely four inches apart. He looks as if he’s about to explode, “You have ten seconds to explain before I brand you as a creep for life.”

I throw my hands up and sigh, “Look, man, I was just trying to figure out what’s wrong. You’ve been off lately, you won’t wrestle with me or talk to me, and I’m your friend and friends help with things like this.”

“Five more seconds.”

“I thought that you leaving at an unholy hour in the morning was connected to your bad mood but I guess not because you seemed pretty happy. I’m not going to apologise for looking out for you but I guess following you was kind of uncool, now-“

“Times up.” Keith says quietly. He doesn’t look mad anymore, just confused, “I know you’re my friend, Lance, but I’m going through some personal stuff. You could've just asked how I was instead of following me and being creepy.”

Yeah, asking about his sour mood probably would have been a better idea. I probably would’ve gotten a couple extra hours of beauty sleep, too.

“If there’s anyway I can make it up to you,” I grip my hands at my side, “I promise I’ll do it. That was uncool of me, I totally won’t be mad if you make me clean up Kosmo’s poop from now on.”

Keith rolls his eyes and crosses his arms over his chest, “Ew, gross. Just… just ask me before you do crazy stuff, alright? I wouldn’t have said no if you’d just asked to go to Plaht City with me this morning.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

I smile slightly and bump his shoulder with my fist, “Do you want to play some video games then? I can show the ropes with Mario Kart 68 if you’d like.”

“No, thanks.”

“Wait, what?”

Keith laughs suddenly and his eyes crinkle the way his dad’s are in his drawing, “I’m joking. I have a couple hours until Shiro and I are going to the gym, teach me how to play.”

I grin. Maybe I can actually do some good.

 

-

 

The old saying is true, time flies by when you’re having fun. Keith seems almost hesitant to leave when Shiro emerges from his room, gym bag over his shoulder.

“We can reschedule, if you want.” He says. Keith shakes his head and stands, though.

“It’s fine. Let me grab my stuff.” He leaves and I’m left to tidy up by myself.

“You two seem to be getting along. How long have you been playing?” Shiro asks. I shrug.

“Just an hour or so.” I say as I stand and brush off my jeans, “Keith can be okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes.”

“Alright.”

The rest of my day is quiet. I take a quick power nap and talk with Hunk and Pidge online before dinner. Although I’m no use with words, I help Coran with writing a speech he’ll say at a Human/Altean alliance ceremony happening soon. He invites me along but Allura will be there so I politely decline.

I go to bed feeling satisfied.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith lets Lance in on his latest project and it's discovered that he's never been to a beach on Earth. Naturally, Lance simply can't have this and starts scheming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a fun and safe Halloween yesterday. Please excuse any mistakes in this chapter, I will admit that I'm kind of rushing through these early chapters because I'm just so excited for the drama to begin!

“I want you to come with me,” Keith says the following morning, “to the desert.” I look up from my book. He’s sitting down across from me, disregarding the coaster I laid out especially for him and putting his mug down.

“And what will we be doing in the desert?” I ask, lifting his mug onto the coaster. Keith rolls his eyes.

“Fixing up the old shack. I want to surprise my mom and have somewhere permanent for her to stay after all of this.” He says. I raise a brow.

“Yes, I know it probably won’t be in the best shape,” Ah, so he can read minds, “and that’s why I’ve been spending my nights making it presentable or at least remotely safe to live in.” He scratches the back of his head awkwardly.

I frown and mark my page before putting my book down, “You’ve been sneaking out since before I caught you?” He nods and I gasp. How could he have possibly slipped away undetected? How did the amazing ninja sharpshooter Blue/Red Paladin Lancey Lance fail to notice? I have a very strict sleeping schedule and was probably halfway to a coma, that's how.

“Don’t be mad.” He says, scratching the back of his neck, “I just wanted a head start. The place needed it. Either a group of squatters or bears were living in it, the place was a tip.”

“Sounds like it could use my magic touch. I’m in.” It’ll be a good excuse to get away from Allura,

Keith insists we wait for his mom to leave for the day before we go. Krolia comes out from their quarters dressed in human attire (the blade still hangs from her hip) and stalks over, eyes narrowed. She sniffs the air.

“I smell trouble.”

My jaw drops, “You can do that?”

Keith holds his head in his hands, “We’re fine, Mom. Aren’t you taking Kosmo out?” That distracts her. She beams suddenly and motions to a collar and leash clipped to her belt that I hadn’t noticed before.

“We’re going to a doggy discipline class.” _Doggy_. Krolia Kogane, a lion hearted warrior and fierce mother, is referring to her cut-throat canine as a doggy. It’s enough to make me grin, “That is, if I can find him.” Keith snorts out a laugh and gently pushes her side.

“We’ll be fine. Enjoy it, try make some friends.” He says, eyes fond and loving. She smiles, kisses his head and walks out, not bothering to grab a jacket. I suppose Kosmo will come to her when she calls. 

“So she doesn’t know?” I ask once she’s gone.

“No, so keep your trap shut.”

I mime locking my mouth shut and throwing away the key. Keith just rolls his eyes and takes a sip of his coffee.

“Shiro’s driving us there in an hour. I’ve already packed our lunches.” He says before standing and stalking away, “You might want to put on a jacket.”

I do not put on a jacket and I come to regret it when we’re out in the desert, the wind in our hair, as Shiro drives us out into the desolate part of the state. I sit in the back with Keith, shivering my butt off and complaining about the car not having a roof. It’s a dumb argument because hardly any Garrison-issued land vehicles have roofs but it’s freezing! I won’t mention the cold, though, I won’t give Keith that satisfaction. 

The journey is long and confusing, the desert sands have shifted and Keith can no longer map the way. He seems quite disappointed by this, growing quiet when his voice isn’t needed. I understand his sadness. He lived alone out here for an entire year after getting booted from the Garrison- he probably got to know every tumbleweed and pebble that ever existed here.

“It’s here, I see it now.” Keith says after almost forty minutes of driving. I let out a whoop as a small, leaning shack comes into sight. It’s vaguely familiar but it’s changed from since I was last here.

Shiro parks outside, the three of us hop out of the car and we stand looking at the house. Keith, who’s been here before recently, still seems in awe of the leaning porch and the door barely hanging onto its hinges. The place has a nice feel to it, it’s certainly not perfect but its a home.

“I’ll help you get everything inside.” Shiro says, turning back to the car. Keith jogs up to the porch, mumbling something about coyotes. Shaking my head, I pick up two cans of paint and go on inside.

The place has changed. I was only here briefly after we rescued Shiro all those years ago, but I still remember how the shack was. The coffee table was a rectangle of wood elevated by bricks. Book spines being the only source of colour. A desperate hermit’s conspiracy theory board. These things are all gone. The room is virtually empty.

“Alright, Keithy boy-“

“Don’t call me that.”

“-what’s the plan? Are we painting today?” I say, setting down the cans before examining them. They’re both labeled as ‘WHITE’. Boooooring.

“Yeah. We might be here for a while, is that okay?” 

“Sure. Do you have a radio or anything?” I ask. Shiro comes in carrying a cardboard box and, as if by magic, a small radio is sitting close to the top. I take it out and sit it on the windowsill before extending the antenna out. It latches onto a station and, although it cuts out and sounds fuzzy, there’s now music. Out of date music but music no less. I open the window and let in some fresh air.

“I’m going to head out.” Shiro says once all the boxes are inside. Keith stops rummaging through them for paintbrushes.

“Don’t get lost.”

Shiro snorts and waves before leaving. I watch him from the window, walking casually with his hands in his pockets. I wonder what he’s thinking. He’s been happy recently, I think he’s finally accepting Adam’s fate. I smile at the thought. Although I believe that mourning and grief is natural and healthy, it’s important to accept death.

“Did you know Adam?” Keith asks suddenly. I turn around to face him. He pulls out a small photograph from a box and sets it next to the radio. It’s of a young Shiro, a young Keith and an alive Adam W.

“No. Shiro tells me about him, though, so it kind of feels like I do. Is that weird?” I crouch down and open up the first paint can. I bite back a pleased sigh when I get a whiff of the smell.

“I don’t think so.” He says as he dunks his bristly paintbrush in, “He was a good man, even after the Kerberos mission went south.”

I frown, “What do you mean?”

Keith starts to paint, starting at the very bottom of the main wall and working his way up in a neat line, “When I first met him I thought he was only nice to me because I was close with Shiro. I thought he’d just stop being my friend when Kerberos and the disaster happened. He let me stay with him for a while after I was booted but I felt bad and came out here.” He smiles softly, “Sometimes he would visit.”

I start to paint, starting at the opposite side of the wall, “So you weren’t a complete hermit?”

“I like company. He’d come all the way out here just to give me a hot meal.” I suddenly notice that there’s no kitchen here, there’s only this main room and a side room we’ve yet to explore, “He never stopped coming over. He was here the morning we found Shiro.”

Oh. A part of me hopes that Shiro doesn’t know this, it would break his battered heart.

We paint in silence after that, only speaking to make comments about the crackling radio. I go “Oh, my mom likes this song” and Keith goes, “I don’t know it” or “My dad never liked it” and we get back to work right after. Once the first coat is done, we leave it to dry and start unpacking things. I pull out a dusty old Persian rug and lay it down in the middle of the room. Keith puts the coffee table on top and we discover that one leg is shorter than the others. The flower vase goes on top and the stacks of beaten books go underneath.

“So where are you going to sleep?” I ask eventually. If there was a bed, even a twin one, a lot of room space would be taken up. The Koganes are strong and tall, I doubt they’d be able to lie on the old couch that used to be here.

“Might turn the bathroom into my mom’s room.”

“But where will you pee?”

“Outside, duh.”

I roll my eyes. Of course Keith won’t be phased at the thought of peeing outside.

“What about showering?”

“I know an oasis nearby.”

“You’re an animal.”

He laughs and I take it in. I haven’t heard him laugh in so long. I’ve missed his breathy laugh, the way his mouth opens and the joyous sounds just seem to escape. His whole face scrunches up and his nose twitches like a rabbit.

“You can come visit me in Cuba.” I say before quickly adding, “Your mom, too. Has she ever been to the beach?”

“Not on Earth.” He says before scratching his chin, “Neither have I, actually.” I almost drop the ornament I’m unpacking. Keith’s never been the beach? For someone who’s had the sea almost literally at their doorstep for most of my life, I can barely comprehend this. Many of my fondest memories are set on the sand.

“H-how?” I manage to spit out. Keith rubs the back of his neck.

“When I was younger, I was pretty content with life in the desert. I’d see beaches in movies and think ‘hey, that’s like the desert’ so I guess I never felt the need for a trip there.”

I crane my neck and look out the window. Yeah, there's sand everywhere but it’s red, not the perfect golden brown I’m used to. Even if there is an oasis nearby, that’s not a sea. If Keith thinks this is what a beach is like, then the situation is much more dire than I thought.

“Are you free this week?” I ask. Keith stares at me.

“Does it look like I’m free?” He motions to the open paint cans and the overflowing cardboard boxes surrounding us.

“Leave it to Griffin, he can do this like he did Hunk’s place and we can hit the beach.” I say. He just shakes his head and laughs.

“As if I’d allow him even remotely near here.”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! You can meet my whole family.”

“I need to stay here for Shiro.”

“Shiro can come.”

“I need to stay here for my mom.”

“She can come, too.” I nudge his shoulder, “Seriously, man. You’re always training or dog walking or,” I snap my fingers together, trying to remember the word, but all that comes to me is frustration, “or taking on new projects. Stay with us for just one weekend.”

Keith looks hesitant and I can tell he’s biting the inside of his mouth.

“If you don’t like it, you can head home, but you deserve a break.”

“Someone might break in while I’m gone.”

“Not if Kosmo guards it.”

“I can’t leave him here!”

I roll my eyes, “Fine, but my dad has extreme dog allergies.”

“Kosmo’s not a dog, he’s a cosmic space wolf.”

I wave a hand dismissively, “Cosmic space wolf, smosmic smace smolf. Just come home with me!” Keith looks at me for a long, long moment and I notice that the sun is casting brilliant highlights onto his skin.

“Fine.”

“Yes!” I jump to my feet and start pawing at my jeans for my phone, “I gotta phone Mom, she’ll be so excited! It’ll be like a sleepover but better, just you wait!”

Keith just rolls his eyes, an amused smile on his lips.

 

-

 

When our day’s work is done, Shiro drives us back to the Garrison. He hesitantly accepts my invitation but seems enthusiastic about the remoteness of my childhood home. Before dinner when I’m showing Krolia how to make panini, I casually drop the idea into our conversation.

“Heith told me about the sea but I’ve never been.” She muses, “Of course, I’ll only go if your mother permits it.”

Mom does permit it, I inform her later. She practically cries over the phone to me when I mention who’s coming. I guess she supposed the friendships I made in space wouldn’t last. I’ve not had the strongest relationships with kids my age, I never brought friends home for dinner when I was younger. Now I’ll be bringing home a purple alien, a guy with a mullet and a man with a robot arm. I can’t wait to see my grandmother’s reaction. 


End file.
